Sister U Matter!

Ok. So, they call you victim. They call you a mistake. They call you failure. How do you respond? Do you respond at all? You know you have a choice, right? Just because someone calls you a name, doesn’t mean you have to respond to that name. For example, my name is Bakeba. I am generally not going to respond if I’m addressed as Barbara. (Believe it or not, that is a common mispronunciation of my name.)

Let’s try it this way. To which of these names are you going to respond?

Victim…Victory                        Failure…Flair

Test…Testimony                     A_ _…Asset

Mess…Message                     Stupid…Stupendous

Defeated…Defining                 Mistake, mishap…Mission(ary)

Trial…Trailblazer                     Terror…Terrific

Bitter…Better                           Ignorant…Igniting

You see. The choice is yours. What will it be? To what name will you respond?

Spread the word…Sister U Matter!®

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What’s your name? What name identifies you? I am not talking about the name given to you at birth or adoption, your married name, not even your nick name. I’m talking about the labels you may have been given, picked up or even embraced. You know labels like stupid, failure, mistake, prostitute, dumb, baby mama, useless, Ms. Goody Two Shoes, reject, unlovable, defeated, good-for-nothing, victim, you’ll never be anything, your standards are too high, tramp, trifling, addict, drunk, insignificant, less than, disadvantaged, broke, too educated…

Sisters, when words like these are used to describe us, they usually depict someone else’s (and sometimes our own) opinions of us. Those words also give us an idea of what the person feels about themselves and/or how they view themselves. See, if I am bitter, I can’t make you feel better. I don’t have better in me to give you. I can only give you what I have.

Yes, maybe you failed in a certain area of your life, or multiple areas in your life or maybe even more than once in the same area, this does not mean you are a failure. Maybe you have been abused, raped or violated in some other way, that doesn’t make you a victim for the rest of your life. Ok, so you didn’t excel in school work. That doesn’t make you dumb, maybe you learn differently from others.

Again, I ask the question: What name are you carrying?

Spread the word…Sister U Matter!®

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I was recently informed of another suicide. It was a middle-aged woman. Of course, her family is devastated and just at a loss. I didn’t know the young lady personally but I do know some of the people who loved her dearly. I am sure that they are left with an unfillable void and lots of questions for which they may never have answers. Generally, when people take their own lives, their loved ones are left with a feeling of helplessness; constantly wondering if there was something they could have done to stop it. Wondering why the person didn’t reach out or felt they couldn’t reach out to them prior to taking their own life.

Sisters, my Sister U Matter!® message  is one that is heartfelt, genuine and sincere and it is my mission that every women being that I encounter understands her value, worth and significance.  Sisters, you are absolutely essential to this world and there is only one uniquely you. Encourage another women being today. Support another being today.  I also want to take this moment to ensure that you are aware of some common signs shown by a person thinking of suicide:

1. Withdrawal

2. Depression/Anxiety

3. Reckless Behavior

4. Loss of Interest

5. Neglect of Personal Appearance

6. Substance Abuse

7. Giving Away Belongings

Know the signs, start the conversation and get help.

Source: http://www.alabamapublichealth.gov/suicide/assets/Poster_KnowSigns.pdf

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, you can talk about it, any time, by calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Remember…Sister U Matter!®

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Just Be Honest. Not mean. Not Critical. Just Be Honest. Not flattering. Not Condescending. Just Be Honest. Not gossip. Not lie. Just Be Honest. Not even only truthful because sometimes the truth is not honest. A person can speak the truth but the intent beyond the mere words can be cunning, deceitful, provoking and/or demeaning. Sisters, Just Be Honest.

I recently learned of a person who was invited to an event by a friend. The invited person really did not desire to go but did not want to hurt the inviting friend’s feelings. So instead of just acknowledging and declining gracefully, the invited person blamed another person for not being able to attend which was so dishonest. The other person knew nothing about the invite at the time that the invited person “threw them under the bus.” So now the inviting person feels a certain type of way about the other person who was blamed for the invitation decline.

The only trait required in this situation was honesty and all would have been great for all parties involved. I wonder how the other person now feels about the invited person. Betrayed? Hurt? Untrusting? “Oh, what a mess we make; when being honest, we forsake”. (I think this is a B. C. original-smile.) Sisters, Just Be Honest.

Remember…Sister U Matter!®

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Repost

Pinch. Punch. These two words are very similar. They both are spelled with five letters. Four of the letters (the consonants) are exactly the same: p, n, c, and h. Both are action words generally requiring action of the hand. The only difference in the printed letters is the vowels: the ‘I’ and the ‘u’. Generally “I” is self-focused while “u” (you) can pertain to multiple others. It’s this difference that I want to address: will your life’s impact be only about ‘I’, small like a pinch; or will it be about others, the ‘you’- bigger than I- like a punch.

I begin thinking about this a few months ago when my teen son and I were discussing the consequences of not wearing a particular color of clothing in recognition of an international cultural and religious celebration day. I recalled the pinch as the consequence; while my son boldly boasted that a punch was definitely the consequence. I tell you to see him scurrying around the house to ensure that he was wearing that specific color because he didn’t want to be punched was definitely a sight to see (I wish he used that much enthusiasm regarding cleaning his room; ummm…I guess I need to work on some different consequences J). At first I attributed his urgent search to youth but then I thought: the punch leaves a very different impression/impact from the pinch. Knowing that I would be on the receiving end of a punch (or in his case multiple punches throughout the day from school peers)—(I’m learning that this type of “play” is a common communication style among young and teen males), I think I too would be more motivated to ensure that I wore that particular color as well.

So my question to you: which will be your impact—the pinch or the punch?

The Pinch.  According to merriam-webster.com, the medical definition of pinch is to squeeze or compress (a part of the body) usually in a painful or discomforting way.  You definitely know when you’ve pinched, especially if you’ve ever had a pinched nerve and don’t forget that “pinch” you may have received from your mama or grandmamma while sitting next to her in church. However for this writing, I equate the pinch to the mundane; just surviving, the monotony that most of us commonly choose. We go to work, go home and continue on a routine cycle of just making it. There’s really no challenge or adventure to life, it just exists and we just exists—just dealing with whatever comes. Generally this type of lifestyle only impacts the person living it. This person blends in the crowd and just waits for life to happen.

The Punch. The punch knocks the breath out of you and incites a desire to respond strongly and quickly. Sometimes, the punch can be so strong that an impression of what punched you is left on you. It leaves a lasting emotional and sometimes psychological impression/impact. The punch path is full of setting and accomplishing life changing and challenging goals that embody fulfillment, the pursuit of purpose and a passion for living. It involves fully embracing life’s plan and flowing with the twists and turns as they come. It’s the blazing of your own trail and leaving an impact/impression so great that others are inspired to be their own persons. It is boldly living life on your own terms, while being confident that although it’s a different path, it is indeed your own path.

‘I’ or ‘U’: The Pinch or the punch impact? Which life impact/impression will you choose?

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